Emmanuelle Chriqui pictures. Sexiest Bible Babes. Elizabeth Hurley, Tiffany DuPont. Who is the sexiest babe in the bible? Bible jokes, funny pictures. Twisted Humor.

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The Six Sexiest Babes of the Bible

by me, HogWild

   


Hog's mom does NOT approve of this article.

To further my quest to be sentenced to Hell, I present to you The Six Sexiest Babes in the Bible!

See Hogstaz, I do anything for you! I'm going to Hell for you! Just so you can look at some sexy biblical babes!

Let's begin with Eve -- the original naughty girl!

God could have created Eve as an ugly beast and Adam would have been satisfied, because he was lonely and horny with no other option. But our God is a kind, loving God and He created Eve as a beautiful woman as evidenced by Emmanuelle Chriqui who stars at Eve in the feature film National Lampoon's Adam & Eve.

Emmanuelle Chriqui

Eve is really hot not only for her looks and tattoo, but because she was so naughty! Like most girls, she liked shiny things. So when she saw that shiny red apple, she could not resist! Knowing it was wrong, she grabbed the apple and convinced her man Adam to partake. Later, she blamed her naughty behavior on drinking too many of those fermented grapes of the vine.

Below, we see another representation of Eve:

See, throughout Time, there have been different ideas of beauty. Back in the day, the sexiest women were chunky. Why? Because it was hard to do! How the heck did Eve get chunky like that eating only apples? They didn't even have McDonald's yet! Or even fire --  because the cavemen didn't invent it yet! Oh wait, are there cavemen in the bible? Nevermind that, back to our story...

Sexy Bible Babe #2 is the deliciously devilish Delilah.

delilah.jpg

You know Delilah had to be super sexy because she got Samson to reveal to her the secret of his strength. Back then it was a mystery, but now it's common knowledge thanks to the Mitchell Report.

Delilah was damn sexy and as proof, some Hollywood director cast Elizabeth Hurley for the role in the film Samson & Delilah:

elizabeth.hurley-dress

Delilah was the ultimate Femme Fatale. I don't know what that means because I refuse to speak French but I do know she was a seductress. And she used her charms to create incredible desire in her men to make them do whatever she wanted.

NOTE: Charms = Boobies.

Above we see Delilah with Fabio, er, Samson.

Sexy Bible Babe #3 is Queen Esther. She was chosen out of 1000's of women to be the new queen. All the other women were sentenced to become whores. This is the model for the modern-day Miss America Pageant.

Queen Esther, as played by Tiffany Dupont in One Night with the King:

 Tiffany Dupont

But simply being more beautiful than 1000's of other beautiful women is not what makes her so sexy. No. It's her loyalty! A loyal woman is rare. Loyalty is the hottest trait of all. A woman who will stand by her man. So freakin' hot!

Esther risked her life to save her people.

So Esther became Queen. And at this time the King's main advisor decided to kill all of her people (the Jewish people.) So my girl Esther had to step up and do something!

But Esther was not allowed to see the King unless he asked for her. (Things were very different back then.) If she were to just show up and disturb the King's whilst on his Royal Throne, he could put her to death! Nowadays, b!tches be botherin' me while I'm on my royal throne reading thy royal newspaper and I can't do a thing about it! Daaaaaaamn!

At this time the King hadn't called for Esther in 30 days! I guess he was busy playing Nintendo Wii with his 1000 whores. But Esther did the bold thing. The right thing. And by the time she was done pleading her case to the King, she had not only saved her people from annihilation but the King killed his treacherous advisor! Sweet revenge, baby!

tiffany.dupont

Above: Tiffany Dupont hanging out with her puppies.

Our 4th Sexy Bible Babe is Judith.

Judith is sexy because she's gangsta!

Judith was p!ssed at her Jewish countrymen for not manning up and kicking the @ss of the foreigners who conquered their land. So Judith goes to the camp of the enemy general Holofernes.

She promises the General sex and military info about the Jewish people. She gains his trust even though she never did give up the info OR let him squeeze her Hebrewbies.

NOTE TO SELF: HA HA HA! Hebrewbies!

So she is allowed into his tent one night and as he is laying around wasted from wine and 40's of Schlitz Malt Liquor she -- get this -- decapitates him! Gangsta!!!

judith-beheads

And if that wasn't enough, she takes his head back to her people! Sometimes it takes a woman to do a man's job!

The conquering foreigners fled the country after seeing this brutality! So Judith single-handedly saved her people! Now that's a strong woman!

judith-holding-head.jpg


Our 5th Bible Hottie is the beautiful Bathsheba.

Bathsheba was the mother of King Solomon. What makes her hot?

Well, she was so smokin' that she inspired King David to commit adultery. King David was a pretty pious dude. He liked to do what God told him. Yet when he caught glimpse of the very married Bathsheba taking a very n@ked bath he had to have her. And not only did David give her the Hebrew National, but he impregnated her! With the future King of Israel!

Below: Bathsheba was awesomely pale. A sign of hotness back then. Totally sexy cadaver look.

bathsheba.jpg

But who is the Sexiest Babe in the Bible?

The answer, my Hogz & Hogettes, is Sarah.

Here is Sarah portrayed by Ava Gardner in movie The Bible: In the Beginning.

ava.gardner.jpg

Sarah was the wife of Abraham -- the first dude to believe in God. Well, I suppose Adam believed in God since they spoke and stuff, but he doesn't count because uh, well, just roll with it, OK?

So God tells Abraham to break out of his homeland. He goes with his wife Sarah to Egypt. Abraham KNOWS his wife Sarah is such a hot piece of booty that the Pharaoh of Egypt will want to take her away from him. And he's right! Even though Pharaoh already had the hottest Egyptian babes to play with, he desired Sarah. And he took her.

But back then God didn't appreciate that kind of thing so he busted plagues on the Pharaoh's @ss.

Pharaoh is p!ssed and throws Abraham and his hot @ss wife Sarah out of the country.

ava.gardner.jpg
 

But what makes Sarah super sexy?...

So God sends angels to Abraham and Sarah to tell them that Sarah will become FINALLY become pregnant with Abraham's child. But by this time, Sarah is 90 years old!

So Sarah has his child... and they next move to a new place called Gerar. OK fine... but AGAIN the ruler of this country takes Sarah away to be his wife! So Sarah must be the Sexiest Babe in the Bible because she is now coveted by a King who can have any chick he wants... but he chooses Sarah!

Think about it. The King can have any girl he wants. And he chooses Sarah, who by this time, is a 90-year-old MILF!

There you have it! I am officially going to Hell. I created a list of the sexiest babes in the bible and I called Sarah, the mother of all modern religions, a MILF.

Want a kick-ass comedy show for your college or party? Email me for details.

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tiffany dupont

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Tiffany Dupont Joins Greg Kinnear in Brian Banks Drama (Exclusive)

Getty Images
Tiffany Dupont

Aldis Hodge stars as the titular football player in the Tom Shadyac film.

Tiffany Dupont has joined the cast of Brian Banks, the drama recounting the true story of the wrongful imprisonment and exoneration of the one-time high school football prodigy.

Tom Shadyac is directing the feature, making it his first directorial project since 2003’s Bruce Almighty and 2007’s Evan Almighty. Aldis Hodge and Greg Kinnear are also among the cast, and Doug Atchison wrote the script. The project was originally incubated through Amy Baer’s development fund Gidden Media, and Baer will produce alongside ShivHans Pictures’ Shivani Rawat and Monica Levinson. Banks, Justin Brooks and Neil Strum are executive producers.

Brian Banks centers on the titular high-school football player who was committed to USC by his junior year. His life was upended in 2002 when falsely accused of rape. Despite maintaining his innocence, he was railroaded through the system and sentenced to a decade of prison and parole. With the help of the California Innocence Project, his conviction was overturned in 2012 and he achieved his NFL dream with the Atlanta Falcons’ preseason squad in 2013.

Dupont will portray the role of Alissa Bjerkhoel, a junior lawyer at the California Innocence Project who, along with other associates, finds Brian's long, handwritten letter in the mailroom and becomes deeply committed to his cause.

Dupont, who starred in the ABC Family’s hit series Greek, most recently had a recurring role on the TNT series Murder in the First, and has also appeared on various shows including Anger Management, Mom and The Big Bang Theory. She has also been seen in the films One Night with the King, The Work and the Glory and Cheaper by the Dozen. She is repped by APA and Good Fear Management.

Sept. 28, 8:15 a.m. A previous version incorrectly stated the name of the film. THR regrets the error.

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Capital One’s Brewery Commercial

So a blog visitor asked me about this commercial for the Capital One Spark Card…whether the brewery was real, and if the attractive woman in the ad runs it. The answer to both is no. The South Avenue Brewery was created for the spot, and the woman is Tiffany Dupont, an actress.

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ace="Arial" size="2"> * World's Hottest Actresses of Bollywood

 

More Funny HogWild Rants and Jokes

Now see my Dating Coach advice and videos!









Now go watch my Expert Dating Advice videos!
Dating Advice! Expert dating advice videos, your dating advice questions answered by HogWild!





Professional Dating Advice videos that will help you get the awesome relationship you deserve!



Expert Dating Advice Videos by me -- HogWild -- professional dating advice: helpful and hilarious.



Dating Advice! Expert dating advice videos, your dating advice questions answered by HogWild!

tiffany dupont

tiffany osta verkossa
tiffany menn bryllup band
orecchini di cuore tiffany
boneca tiffany
bela jóia

Tiffany Dupont Joins Greg Kinnear in Brian Banks Drama (Exclusive)

Getty Images
Tiffany Dupont

Aldis Hodge stars as the titular football player in the Tom Shadyac film.

Tiffany Dupont has joined the cast of Brian Banks, the drama recounting the true story of the wrongful imprisonment and exoneration of the one-time high school football prodigy.

Tom Shadyac is directing the feature, making it his first directorial project since 2003’s Bruce Almighty and 2007’s Evan Almighty. Aldis Hodge and Greg Kinnear are also among the cast, and Doug Atchison wrote the script. The project was originally incubated through Amy Baer’s development fund Gidden Media, and Baer will produce alongside ShivHans Pictures’ Shivani Rawat and Monica Levinson. Banks, Justin Brooks and Neil Strum are executive producers.

Brian Banks centers on the titular high-school football player who was committed to USC by his junior year. His life was upended in 2002 when falsely accused of rape. Despite maintaining his innocence, he was railroaded through the system and sentenced to a decade of prison and parole. With the help of the California Innocence Project, his conviction was overturned in 2012 and he achieved his NFL dream with the Atlanta Falcons’ preseason squad in 2013.

Dupont will portray the role of Alissa Bjerkhoel, a junior lawyer at the California Innocence Project who, along with other associates, finds Brian's long, handwritten letter in the mailroom and becomes deeply committed to his cause.

Dupont, who starred in the ABC Family’s hit series Greek, most recently had a recurring role on the TNT series Murder in the First, and has also appeared on various shows including Anger Management, Mom and The Big Bang Theory. She has also been seen in the films One Night with the King, The Work and the Glory and Cheaper by the Dozen. She is repped by APA and Good Fear Management.

Sept. 28, 8:15 a.m. A previous version incorrectly stated the name of the film. THR regrets the error.

comments powered by Disqus


Capital One’s Brewery Commercial

So a blog visitor asked me about this commercial for the Capital One Spark Card…whether the brewery was real, and if the attractive woman in the ad runs it. The answer to both is no. The South Avenue Brewery was created for the spot, and the woman is Tiffany Dupont, an actress.

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